Food that help prevent heart failure

A man was kidnapped by outlaws in Guatemala. While being held prisoner in a cave for four months, he was fed only hard-boiled eggs. When he was released, he was healthier than before, lean and energetic. You'd think he had been on holiday. You see, since prisoner expenses weren't anticipated in the kidnappers' budget (kidnapping wasn't their core business), they fed him the cheapest stuff they had available: nature's perfect food, the much maligned huevo, or egg.
The mass media "nutritionists" still regard eggs as if they were a cutely packaged form of cyanide. Why? Because eggs are too damned cheap. The huge food companies want you to chow down instead on low-fat Pop Tarts, bad for your health but amazingly profitable.

But never mind them, enjoy all the omelets you want, and don't sweat moderation. Pretend it's your birthday. Ten eggs a day will clean your arteries and sharpen your memory. And don't forget those yummy yellow yolks (say that three times). Lots of good, healthy stuff in there.

"What stuff?" you might ask. Well, for starters: 13 essential vitamins and minerals including folic acid, lutein, vitamin B-12 and vitamin D. And, of course, the mother of all nutrients. "Which is what?" Well, we'll discuss that later; but I will say it has to do with fat, and you may be surprised at the answer.

And speaking of that, how about a steak, or pork chops, or ham for dinner? Crab, maybe? You know, the meaty, fatty treats that are supposed to make you a regular at the ER. But they are actually the foods that have been keeping us healthy since caveman days.

For our first million years, humans were hunters and gatherers (at least the conservative cavemen were; the liberal cavemen, excuse me, cavepersons, showed up to do their hair and tidy up in exchange for portions). They ate what Mother Nature had designed for them to eat. And who are we to question the forces of nature (Al Gore?). Of course the cavepersons' lifespan was only 16 years, but we're pretty sure this wasn't because of diet.

Anyway, while Gort was busy drawing racy pictures of Wilma Flintstone on the cave walls, the cavewife would cook up a mess of pork chops and spinach. And the spinach was sizzling in bacon grease, which is best kind of fat. You see, because it's saturated, bacon grease is among the healthiest of all fats to cook with. And this is because half the nutrients in your body are fat-soluble, which means you can't absorb them without fat.

Now here's a question that'll incite the vegetarians to spontaneous human combustion: Is your cholesterol high enough to to prevent heart disease? Nearly all healthy Americans have cholesterol that's naturally between 200 and 300. If you parse the previous sentence as a lawyer would, you'll probably breath a sigh of relief (assuming, of course, you believe what I'm saying here).

The last 30 years of clinical studies have shown that cholesterol protects your arteries, and cutting cholesterol hardens your arteries and also causes depression and increases your chances of dying from infections. Ever heard of homocysteine? (No, it's not a chapel where gays go to marry.) This is your real killer, eating away at your artery walls. Your body responds by patching the holes with cholesterol. Take B-vitamins to normalize your homocysteine levels.
So here it is: it's cholesterol that is the mother of all nutrients! Yes, your body needs lots of cholesterol to create hormones and other stuff your body requires to maintain vim and vigor. And as you get older, your body may need even more cholesterol. But don't sweat it: if your appetite doesn't allow you to eat enough of the good stuff, your liver will produce more cholesterol to take up the slack.

But cholesterol from those tasty, fatty foods is healthier than the kind your liver makes. Because it's more likely to turn into the good HDL than the bad LDL cholesterol. And it's also less likely to get converted into a nasty substance called Lp(a) - sticky crap that makes you ten times more likely to get heart disease.

Finally, the bottom line you've been waiting for, and you heard it here first:

The cheeseburger is health food!

You'll have to take my word that I don't look like I'm kidding.

There's a powerful, natural anti-carcinogen called conjugated linoleic acid (popular among bodybuilders as a supplement). The richest sources of CLA are cheese, beef and lamb. CLA was discovered by a hamburger researcher.

So there you've got it: carbs, protein, fat and CLA, all in one big juicy McSomething-or-Other. Just watch out for those pesky calories. And take a vitamin pill.

(This just in: Steak, shellfish and eggs contain a substance now shown to inhibit hardening of the arteries.)